Fuck appropriateness.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
