and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
