I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
