fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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