How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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