dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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