He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
