I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
