I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
