shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
