I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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