Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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