Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
