so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
