As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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