I just cut my nipple shaving
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize