I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize