She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
