A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You're like the curious george of whores
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
