Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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