Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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