Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
