guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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