..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
