So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
