You made me cry and you don't even care
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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