would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
