My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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