I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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