I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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