It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
