so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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