Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I could fuck to npr.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
