My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
