walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
