'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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