then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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