tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
