I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
