I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize