He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
