I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
