Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Congratulations! We have a period
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