I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize