I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
