we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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