U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
