Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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