I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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