does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
