i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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