I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's never too late to be topless.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
