My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
