Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
