thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
