I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize