Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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