the day after is always just damage control
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
