two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
