the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
