so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
