I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
