So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
