after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
