Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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