I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
