I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize