so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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