youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
