the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize